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First Time Fisters: What You Need to Know

By Beastly | @BadAlexCheves

The first time I got fisted, I was burnt from a day at the beach. Walking back to the car, I got a text: “Let’s try getting in your ass again.”

It was our third attempt. In videos from that night, I’m red as a lobster. His wrist disappears into my hole, POV-style, his forearm smeared in Crisco and J-Lube. I’m moaning my heart out. The video is loud. Ready for this? Here’s what you need to know.

1. Ignore what people say about fisting. Only fisters know the facts from the myths. 

Fisting is an extreme sex sport. As with all sports, there are risks you take in enjoying them, and there are ways you minimize these risks by playing smartly and training beforehand. Fisting requires you to stretch your hole and learn how this stretch feels. If you go slow, this is one of the most enjoyable parts (sometimes I like pre-fist stretching more than actual hands). You stretch with ass toys: butt plugs, dongs, and smooth silicone shapes designed to stretch your hole. If you do this right and go slow, potential injuries (which can lead to incontinence and other problems) are almost entirely avoided. Playing sober in the beginning is an important part of this.

2. It’s okay to be scared.

It’s a new feeling. When you start practicing and stretching your hole, it might feel strange. You’ll be scared of getting hurt, which is very smart. The risks must be respected and understood. A good fist top will guide you through your fears and help you through them by going slow and establishing trust.

3. It will not happen the first time.

Don’t get frustrated. It took multipe attempts before I got a hand in.

4. Find an experienced fist top.

Talk to him about your skill level. Ask him in depth about his. It’s OK to question someone’s skill level, ask for videos, ask for references (from guys he’s fisted), and so on. An amateur fister who claims to be a pro can hurt you, and there are many self-described “fist tops” out there who’ve never been inside an ass, or have only done it once or twice. If you’re new, he shouldn’t be.

5. When you’re a beginner, start sober. 

You avoid injury by respecting your body’s limits and knowing when you’ve had enough. That’s why playing sober is important. Many guys start fisting on drugs because they make fisting easier. They mask the sensation of pain, relax your body, or both. While drugs have understandable appeal to all kinds of sex (not just fisting), masking pain is problematic, since pain tells you when you might be worn out, or hurt. You need pain. When you’re new, it’s good to train through the feeling of fisting sober so that you know and understand how it feels naturally. Hint: it feels amazing, but it will take more time and more effort without substances. Take this time and exert this effort, at least until you build up some skill.

6. Train with butt plugs.

Your hole is a strong muscle. Like all muscles, you can train it, increase its flexibility, and make it stronger. Do this with butt plugs. Butt plugs are made to stretch and relax your ass for more vigorous activity. Small butt plugs make anal sex happen easier. Larger butt plugs make fisting happen easier. Start small and work your way up.

7. Practice the moment of surrender. 

Sex (all kinds) is about handing over degrees of control. Handing over control is beautiful and powerful and frightening to many people. When you’re getting fucked (by a dick), the “surrender moment” comes when you get scared. He’s building speed, then suddenly a multitude of thoughts rush into your head: “Am I clean?” “Will I get hurt?” This tension in your mind and body will result in tension in your ass, and you’ll clench, which will result in true discomfort and will make sex less exciting. When this moment comes, surrender to him, and to his cock. Your ass belongs to him. You’ll come to many moments like this when you fist, moments where you get scared, where it feels like he can’t go any further. If he’s good at what he does, he’ll know where you are and guide you through these moments, but you have to trust him. You have to surrender.

8. Talk to experienced fisters for tips and advice. 

The fisting community will help and welcome you. There’s a lot of stigma out there against what we like; a lot of repulsion and horror at what we do. We’re close and friendly. We’ll recommend good lubes, good toys, and good tops.

9. Maintain eye contact.

You can communicate wordlessly and show signs of fear and pain (and intense pleasure) through your gaze. If he’s paying attention and keeping eye contact with you, he’ll likely know how you’re feeling even when you don’t say anything. Communicate as much as you need to, but keep in mind that real, wonderful fisting happens when the words stop, when you lock eyes, and when your bodies (and your body language) take over. A good fisting session has a tendency to slip into silence, a wonderland of gasps and moans and grunts. This is where the truly wonderful place exists: where the intense pleasure and beauty of fisting gets revealed. Nothing can prepare you for that. Enjoy.

If you need fisting supplies, head to our Essentials page at